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Dazed, Amazed and Dangled

We humans have the capacity to grow in many directions yet there are roadblocks set up in the psyche that will deter us from this process.   The mind makes sure that all is clear on the runway before it gives the green light to go forward.    Sometimes,   we hesitate even though we have been given the green light due to an unsettled emotion or interest when the time comes.    I like to call this time Dazed.   Then, there is the time of Amazed when the mind takes over for us as if it where be handled by the divine force and we need not be there until it is done.  Sort of like being put asleep for surgery and then you awake to be told that all has gone well.    But there is that time in life when we as humans are Dangled on the end of life as if waiting for a decision that never arrives.  Did the mind forget to give the green light or to put us to sleep while making a necessary   correction?   What to do when this happens is something that many people need to know or they may go a long way through life before discovering the answer.   Is this because the answer was there all along but  the mind chose not to like what the answer was for them?    Dangled is hanging from a line waiting for the connection that will make life worthwhile.   A connection for one is not the same for another.    Some of us yearn for a sense of accomplishment such as in a career and others will need a reservoir   filled with family and friends.  There are those humans who want to interpret life such as an actor, writer, artist, musician and others who will dedicate themselves to service others.   All of the above is good and means that a connection has been made on earth and each  can decide how we choose to use that connection based on our own individual mind, body and spirit.    Whether you are Amazed, Dazed or Dangled the five senses will help you design your life by making use of sight, smell, feel, sound and touch.   Balancing these so that each sense gets a turn at being present in your life will help to set the mind in place and it will take you to where you want to go. Attention to one sense such as too much  taste, or feel  verses  finding the right mix can offset the rest of  of your life.  Some believe that there is a trick to life but truly it is about using all of the resources   available and being honest with yourself  along the way.   Life is truly  a wonderful gift!  Enjoy.

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Grace my Soul

I have come to you my friends to speak, to wonder and to grace the soul.   I speak of those we’ve known   who have lived among us, and have passed.   Lately, I find this subject compelling.  As we continue to go through the life,  the daily chores, struggles and of course many more happy moments (than we are ever aware)   keep us on track and  make up the sum of the whole.      At the moment that life bows to death, we are all connected.   Certainly these connections come and go freely in our lives and they never compare to other events that take place such as birth, weddings, illness or divorce.  Those events also bring on a shared emotion, but nothing can truly tap our depth and connective tissue as humans like death.   We all are vulnerable to this one.  The old saying of “Death and Taxes” can be spoken in   any language.   It is mostly a subject that people do not like to discuss.   Although I find that it has gotten easier to address the concept of our mortality.   In fact, a few weeks ago the subject was the topic of a dinner conversation.  There was a lighthearted discussion on a  preference of  this matter for those attending .  I like the “decide for yourself before you go” idea.  I have seen this one work nicely because only you know what your life meant.  So why not be there in spirit.  This brings to life the interactive part of not only what you meant to the people that loved you, but also, what you loved about your life.   Then there are the different thoughts on the hereafter and there are a few.  We as humans are so fortunate to be able to choose differently what we want to believe.  And the fact that we have over time come up with so many concepts for belief is a wonder to me.  Of course, you cannot expect everyone to agree with “to each his own”.     Whatever  as a choice does not cover the subject  because life  is too important,  and  it sets the tone for the lack of value.   Some will say that the “Angels of Heaven” arrive to carry you away, if you are so lucky.  Others believe that life goes on without you and that is that.  Then, we have the come back again in a new life, same spirit just continuing to journey.  We’ll, no sense in venturing as we get the drift.    The adventure of the body has always got some press.   King Tut and his ilk were comfortable in clean sheets and they had their own rooms unlike the most that go into the earth.   Cremation is becoming more popular however, it dates back further in time as an option than I realized.  For some, it is not acceptable!   Once we are past, it is hard to know, isn’t it?   Grace my soul with peace, and also, to all those who know from whence I speak.

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a nice day

There is nothing like a spring day. I don’t know anyone who does not enjoy the fresh smell of the grass and flowers blooming. Yes, along with it we get allergies and this can make our life uncomfortable but the birds sing to us, and people are out and about with the zest of new reason. Our doors are flung open to receive all the goodness of air that has not come through a system. We even have the pleasure of storms and showers that leave the grass wet and the ground has been washed clean. Although this has been taking place forever, I find spring to be a welcomed guest that will only stay for a while and is so nice to have around. I love the part where I can hang out repotting plants or just walk without the buddle of cold weather clothes. I love when Easter arrives. Be it for religious reasons or just a beautiful way to celebrate it serves us well to paint eggs and recognize the wonder among us. I know that I must sound like someone who perhaps I took one too many meds today, but it truly is a wonder. Children bring this to light all the time. I think as we hurry to the food store or to throw another load of laundry in the washer, go pick up the car that was repaired for a ridiculous amount of money or then must put gas in it which will rock you to the core these days, it is necessary to balance this with what is truly a great gift and that would be “ A nice day “. Hope your having one!

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I am not quite sure where I am going with this one.  I have been thinking a great deal about the spirit of things and how we are all connected by the same spiritual thread, like it or not.   Perhaps that is the matter for which we as humans exist?  It all makes sense and yet we are so individual and strive to become more so in the process of determining our own destiny choosing careers and lives that will compliment who we think we are. At the same time  companionships  that  lead us to families and friends  bring us to find out more about who we truly are,  through experiences,  we achieve our light  from within and can see the many facets of our personality.  Some of this personality is considered good to us, and some can give of problems in life such as anger that is carried over from  another experience  or just a stubborn nature.  So then it is up to us to tame our spirits as we grow older and adapt them to a life that lends itself to less resistance and a  more willing spirit allowing the process to unfold us in a natural way rather than a fight or flight mode.  However, if that is not “our” spirits way then is that to say that we will learn the same lesson by succumbing to  a more willing stance?   I often wonder what makes us all so different that we are more or less willing to accept what we cannot change or to make the correction that we feel is needed. Take the great spiritual leaders  Mother Theresa or Gandhi for example.  What gave  them the drive to do what others could not see possible?   Our spirits denote many things and set the tone for our lives and each as I said earlier is completely different and yet we all bond by nature to one another regardless of race , age or sex.    Those  who are born with challenges  such as Downs Syndrome, Schizophrenia, or one of the many  other afflictions that can come to us,   requires inner wisdom  to make the journey. This wisdom must be earned in the way of   some form of revelation.  Music , art and words can identify  the spirit’s desire to give and take love.  Yet  the spirit can also turn on itself  and grow towards what  is seen , as an unnatural place and very damaging to the soul.     Questions,   regarding the spirit are incredibly rich with possibility.   I sincerely pray for goodness to enter your life and for peace to come to the world at this time.

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Let me pick your brain


Let me pick your brain.  Have you ever felt that your brain was picked over by life’s necessary tasks and that it was time for you to go into hibernation mode and perhaps a shopping spree or a football game will do?  Maybe you could just take a long drive through the countryside as an escape.  On the other hand, sleep can be a wonderful source of relief from the many stresses that are placed upon us each day.   Work, planning life choices, children, illnesses, and self-growth are some of the few things that can keep us up at night as we ponder answers to life’s biggest questions.

Sometimes it is a question that you haven’t thought of yet that gives you the most angst, as if it is a feeling of discontent until the answer comes.  The answer seems to present itself when the brain gets all the facts.  But the brain may not compute the answer without one vital piece of information that hasn’t arrived yet.  This information could be from an internal or external source.  We never know how or when it will arrive.   It could be months and it could arrive while showering or driving the cat to the vet.

The brain is so amazing!   Just the sheer thought of genius is a scary thing, or the athlete’s zone, a chess players view of life or an artist search for the perfect vibrant color choice.  The dark side is as seriously worth wondering about as well because for some it can change the direction of their life and those around them as well.   DNA plays an acute role in this process as does a parental role and the roles of those we meet in the early child years.  Why does the mind veer off in one direction or another when making a choice?

For me, dreaming plays a great part in helping to process some of the matter that life throws my way.   Also, through dreams the most brilliant or bizarre pieces of reality can reflect new insight and can determine a development that my conscious was unable to see.

Hobbies provide a wonderful way to focus on something positive. I remember  doing  arts and crafts in school.  It was a great time to let the mind wander to where it could create something  and I loved this time.  So why is it so difficult to find time in my adult years that can provide this pleasure? I suppose that the time gets clogged with the too much to do of life.   It is so neat the way each person is attracted to his or her interests be it music, art, collecting things, photography, quilting, cooking and it goes on and on.  Reading and movies are my favorite escapes.  A good story will always please.  Also  plays tell us a lot about human nature, and it is a shame that plays are not as useful  to us  as some   of the technical sources used now that do not deal with learning about ourselves as much as accomplishing a task .

There are so many answers and research to conclude the finally of this subject, however I think that I will read.

Enjoy it , whatever “ it” is that you like to do.

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Wrinkled Knees

A sunny day at the beach along with the right suit and the right tanning lotion was all that was required back in the day. I remember sitting on the warm sand with the sound of the seagulls and the only thoughts were “you won’t be getting my sandwich, birdie”. The color of the ocean was the backdrop to it all. Now in a different place in time, I recall watching two women that day as they walked towards the ocean carrying the usual items that are certain to enhance a great day at the beach (which include the proper seating and food choices as well as beverages). The ladies looked heavy with the burden of their desired items of chairs, towels and cooler, plus a bag packed full. They were talking and laughing without a missed beat. As they came a little closer, I noticed that both of these women had wrinkled knees. Stunned by the sight of the skin sagging on this area of the body, I starred.  I knew  it was not very polite, however, I was seventeen years old and was certain that I had never seen anything so grotesque before in my life. This impression stayed with me for many years. I assumed that these ladies had not led a good life or that they were victims lacking proper nutrition and or fitness. The surprise came about two years ago at age fifty seven as I was sitting casually reading a book, and suddenly I looked down and saw indentations around my knees. Yes, curly designs of skin that gave the look of something I had seen in a book when I attended school and was examining life sciences. I paused, unfolded my legs and looked wildly at what appeared to be wrinkles around my knees. Then, I remembered that girl, the one sitting on the sand so casual, so sure of herself and shielded from such matter with skin so perfect that the thought of this kind of imperfection was just not possible. Listening for the internal scream that would follow this reality, I then went to the kitchen to make myself a fresh cup of tea. I have earned these wrinkled knees, and now I will respect myself as a warrior of life, and take to the “Wasabi philosophy” that not all is perfect, but all is perfect at each moment! A grand jester and justification, and a much gentler truer self than thinking that it is my responsibility to keep all as it was once when I was a younger woman. It doesn’t get any better than this, and the sky is still the same shade of blue as it was that day of forty years ago. It might be a great day for the beach.

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The Adoption

The Adoption

I have a Friend that I met many years ago. We were thirty something and both found ourselves in a Women in Transition group. It did not take long before we knew that we just wanted to have coffee and be friends. That path led us to be good friends. I was told of a pregnancy that She had had at age 16. Her parents were devout in their religion and they sent her away for the delivery which was common at that time. There was no discussion of a choice in this decision. The father of the child, Frank, a boy from the high school prom disappeared as well. Life resumed for my friend and she became successful in business and led a creative life, but never married or had any long term relationships. With this discovery that she revealed to me of her past I felt she needed to be encouraged to pursue this piece of the puzzle missing in her life. For whatever the outcome. I felt it was a proactive move on her part and would help her feel in control of a situation that she had never addressed. So, we sat and wrote a letter to the Adoption Agency involved. They were located in another state just over our state line. She was informed that the letter would be placed on file in the event that the child, a girl, would ever inquire. It was only six months before a letter and then a call came to her to say that in fact, her daughter had come to inquire and would like to communicate with her. Letters came with pictures and an update of the daughters life as she was 20 years of age , entering college, had a boyfriend and all of the typical information for her age. She had stated that her father was a builder and that she had an adopted brother as well. They lived at the shore and her name was Megan. I was thrilled for My Friend that all of this had come about and looked forward to her learning more about her lost daughter. Then a phone call came in to her from the Agency and they said that the adopted mother did not approve her daughters search and that the communication would stop until Megan was 21 years old and could decide for herself. It was obvious that the wings of flight had been clipped. Of course sorrow came over My Friend and I persuaded her to remain hopeful.

The days continue and life goes on and there is little to ponder about this kind of dilemma. Because the person who has made this affecting decision for you is not of like mind. So the only recourse is to resume with hope that someday will come and so this is what My Friend did.

It was just about a year, I had been dating a nice man and we went to the shore to spend the holiday. On our way home we realized that traffic was very thick and slow and so we decided to make a stop for a while to let some of the traffic clear. He had a friend that lived not to far off the beaten path and so there is were we went. When we arrived , his friend was about to go out on his boat and so they went for a ride on the water as I relaxed on the friend’s deck with a glass of wine. While reading my book, I looked up to see that the daughter of this friend had arrived. She was on a dinner break from her job at the local Crab House. We had met before and so we began to pick up conversation on the generalities of life. At one point, I paused to say that she must look like her Mom as she did not have her Dad’s tall , thin and very Italian features, however hers were more rounded. She stated immediately that she had been adopted at five days old as had her brother Mark as well. I smiled and said that I did not know that. And suddenly there appeared to be a photograph of my friend’s face transposed over the daughter’s face almost like a double exposure. I had an eerie feeling and excused myself to the restroom. Uncertain as how to follow up on this when I returned to the conversation I asked if she had ever had contact with her birth Mother and if she knew her name. The answer was yes on both questions.

The strange revelation of this connection took us both by surprise and we began to cry naturally. Then we hugged as a human response to this impromptu connection. At that moment, the boat arrived back at the dock. The men’s faces were in bewilderment of our hugs and crying and so Megan told her Father the news of my friendship with her biological Mom. He was not pleased and with a pale expression stated that it should not come up again.

We left that day and on the drive home I tried to layout how I could tell My Friend that I had met her daughter, and “ no you cannot”.

By the fall of the following year, I was getting married and I knew that both My Friend and also the Father of Megan would be attending. There was stress in my gut over this. At the wedding, I went to the Father and took him by the hand bringing him to the table where his daughter’s Mother and Grandmother were sitting. The resemblance is astounding and as we near the table, I say that I want to introduce him to someone, and he looks ahead and remarks, “You don’t have to”, and he sees the familiar faces.

The friend of my new husband is respectful of the facts at hand and we are invited to his daughter’s wedding where I take pictures to show My Friend. She is pleased to see her daughter’s wedding and know of her happiness through me. Then Megan is pregnant and I take a present to her from her Great Grandmother who made her a blanket for the child to come. No thank you returns.

You see, the adoptive Mother made the rule for her never to see her birth Mother and all had to adhere. So , again I bring pictures of the baby and stories too. Some I keep to myself as not to hurt her. Like one where the daughter and her adopted brother also had worked for the man that I married at his shop when they were teens. The shop was five miles from My Friend’s home where she gave up her baby, even though the baby had been adopted in the adjourning state and then brought back to the neighborhood of her birth Mother.

She has not met her Daughter, and I wonder why? Control truly denies the other.

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The Story of Miz T and Silverbeard

Ms T and Silverbeard by Barbara Harbeson |

Once upon a time in a land known as Great Oaks  there was a woman named   Miz T.   One day the darkest clouds passed over her home and a stream of lightning struck so hard that Miz T thought that the earth had broken into pieces.  She ran to the window and then to the porch to see what had happened  and suddenly realized that it could not be seen with human eyes.  Her daughter Neena ran to be with her Mother outside because she too felt the crack of lightning, and didn’t understand what it meant.  So, Miz T took her daughter’s hand and they walked steadily from that day as to feel safe from what they were sure was a crack in the earth. As time moved forward, Miz T and Neena began to sing songs to ease the uncertainty of that time.  Neena read books and told stories while Miz T tried to find answers to the question – Would the sky ever be safe again?  At night she would peek out the window and look up to find stars that were no longer there and sadness would move over her that she never knew existed.

Miz T heard that there was a place called KISS, where Kindness is Sincerely Sweet and this was what she needed now.  So, she set forth to find this place.

Miz T journeyed to a land unknown and asked many times if she was near a place called KISS, but was disappointed with the answers she received.   One day in passing she encountered a man.  This man went by the name of Silverbeard and Miz T had never met anyone like him.  She felt certain that he would know something about where she could find KISS.  However, before she could ask him the questions, Silverbeard asked Miz T to take a walk with him down to the water and she agreed not truly knowing why.  When they reached the waters edge, it was sunset and Silverbeard told Miz T of his journey and how he too had experienced the lightning and a fright on this earth.  As they talked the sky darkened and became night and as they both looked up, they saw that the amazing stars were connected and that this was what held the sky tightly together.

It was very apparent to Miz T that she had found the place she was seeking, the place where “Kindness is Sincerely Sweet”.  Miz T and Silverbeard went back to Great Oaks, and Neena was glad to see her Mother with  this man, Silverbeard.   Their journey had found each other and yielded a love to last many starry nights together and a moon to glow and watch over all.  And yes he really does have a Silverbeard; however, Miz T now goes by J.U. (Just Unbelievable).

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If You Are So Inclined

If you are so inclined by Barbara Harbeson |

What makes us as humans so particular? That we should like things in our lives to meet a standard is not unusual. But, what we choose is something to be pondered. For example, I am peculiar about my blinds as the light in my home should be facing up and not down. The proverbial toilet paper roll should most definitely go forward as not to disturb the sequence of the event of getting it off the roll. And I do not believe that a teabag needs to be squeezed and when it is I react because the thought of the acid from the leaf going into my cup is upsetting to me . Weird, I know and this all sounds bazaar but don’t judge me yet. Each of us have a relationship with one’s surroundings and this relationship was most likely put into place when the person became the master of his/her own fate. Perhaps even influenced by one’s upbringing. I do not think myself strange because I like a small light on in a room at all times as I like the glow that it gives to the setting of that space. I also like to leave a window cracked in a room that has air conditioning. These things are simply frowned upon and considered wasteful. Fortunately, I get to decide what I like for myself, my rooms, my lighting, and it goes on from there. These are all things that require a relationship with self which, I believe to be the “most important relationship” you will ever have in this life. So IF YOU ARE SO INCLINED as to live your life a certain way, please do not let others intimidate you into thinking that their way is better that yours. Enjoy your relationship with yourself at all times.

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Changes by Barbara Harbeson |

Waking to the chirp of the birds is an invigorating sound, even if you are not quite ready to wake. It somehow jump starts the mind into the here and now, I am alive mode. The consistencies of life keep us on track and tell us that we are secure in our world. Everyday is an amazing feat and yet somehow the spirit doesn’t always approach it from this angle. The mind certainly plays the most crucial and dominant role and it can destroy the balance that is necessary between mind, body and spirit if not constantly checked for irregularity.

Some people think those that are out of sync with the ways of consistency are eccentric. For example, to get up each day, wash and dress and have breakfast are all constants for most people, however to do this the same way each day causes the body and spirit to move through time without reason other than this is the way it is done. This is not to say that constant change is always good. But, a balance of constants and a flow of changes bring amazing growth to our lives.

I had a friend who did everything the same each day and she was not a happy person. I was always suggesting that she modify her schedule to be more spontaneous in her life. Her insecurities told her to believe that the path she lived on was the only one she could count on. Unfortunately this path led nowhere and she stayed insecure and unhappy knowing what cereal she would eat and at what time and what program she would always watch and what time she would call me, and I was not always constant enough to be there for her.

When life becomes overwhelming with work load or disappointment, this can cause what I believe to be short circuits and slowly the breakdown occurs and a depressed state turns to day to day routine without any reason. The reason is a need for change.

If you feel there is a molded pattern in your life, then a bowl of ice cream for breakfast (any flavor you choose) or perhaps those red socks that you have never worn should be incorporated into your life. When life goes on with out change for a period of time it needs to be shocked by the abnormal. Most of the geniuses knew this and so they were considered weird. We as humans have great potential for change, and this process is what creates the life we want and have. Sometimes the spirit is broken by life because it doesn’t work this or that way, it becomes necessary to re-design a feeling or a thought so that you can adjust to the sound of the birds chirping and still feel secure in the world.